The Middle Child

1.        What’s your role in your family?

I’m the middle child. According to pop psychology, I am neglected, resentful, unmotivated, social, a great leader, a justice seeker, and an avoider of conflict. Pop psychology is bogus. I have never felt neglected or resentful of my siblings. I think that I’m highly motivated, somewhat introverted, and not a very good leader. I do attempt to avoid conflict, but I suppose even a broken clock is right twice a day. So, what role do I play in my family?

Well, I’m the middle child. In most notable qualities, I am in between brother and sister, mother and father. I don’t test as well as my brother, but math comes more easily to me than to my sister. I have more trouble making friends and keeping sociable than my sister, but I still understand people more easily than my brother. I enjoy learning physics from my talented father, but also writing and art from my talented mother. I don’t get overwhelmed as easily as some of my family members, but I’m still more sensitive to noise and crowds than others.

All of these things come about partly because I am the middle child. I don’t believe that this leads to the neglect pop psychology loves to dwell on, but it does have some important effects. I am closer age-wise to my siblings than they are to each other. As a result, my daily experiences are somewhat closer to theirs and I can communicate with them more easily. For example, I can understand the mathematics Daniel gets so excited about, but have also taken geometry recently enough to be able to effectively explain the subject to Sarah. In doing this, I learn a lot from and am heavily influenced by both of them. My brother has taught me to love academia in all its forms through his ridiculously ambitious projects and late-night ramblings. From his animated explanations of bivectors to convincing me to finally read the GEB, I have learned to see the world more vividly. My sister has taught me to work hard, and care deeply about others through her own caring and incredible focus on the things she’s passionate about. From her practically continuous flute playing to convincing me to audition for the spring musical, I have learned to unleash my creativity.

This essay makes it sound like there’s no downside to being a middle child. That’s certainly not true, there are plenty of bad things too. It’s just that the good parts vastly outnumber the bad. On one hand, I almost never get to be the first to experience something, but on the other hand, I almost never have to be the first to experience something. I have the opportunity to learn from my brother’s journey, but I also get the benefit of teaching the same things to my sister. I know most of my teachers before I meet them, and despite that I am not defined by what Daniel has done in school. I’ve joined different clubs, tried new things, while enjoying the knowledge of what worked for him. Sarah looks up to me as her older sibling, and as a result I never feel overshadowed by Daniel. I’m the moderate in the family, which means I often have to cast the deciding vote on things. I don’t generally enjoy that responsibility, but I don’t have as strong of opinions on most matters as my siblings do, so I can more easily be happy with whatever is decided.

If you look up anything about middle child online, you’ll find people who disagree with me. According to Gigi Engle writing for Elite Daily, “…the middle child gets the sh*t end of the stick in literally everything…We got nothing easily. We never got away with sh*t, and crying wasn’t going to keep us from being grounded.” Clearly, she has had an experience rather different from mine. In her article, Engle focuses on how middle children are the best because they have the hardest childhood, forcing them to grow up tougher than their siblings. I think she is making a fundamental mistake. It’s true that a middle child isn’t unique by their birth position, but they are also insulated from a lot of hardship by their older and younger siblings. When all’s said and done, it’s a good place to be.