Oh, Pinecone!

This piece is about 100 words below the limit, so if you have any advice on how to expand this slightly I'd love to hear it. Other advice is always welcome as well, of course. Enjoy! :)

2.  How much do you curse and why? 

     As a child, I was taught never to curse by my parents. No one in my family swore in my presence for years, and my first exposure to the subject came from foul-mouthed friends in elementary school. In fourth grade, everyone was beginning to try out these strange, new words, discovering the weirdly extreme reactions they provoked from adults. I learned the f-word, s-word, b-word, a-word, on and on. However, I was never interested in using them. I’ve never been a rebellious child, and there never seemed to be good enough reason to stir up trouble.

    Around the same time, my aunt Jenny taught me a rather profound lesson about swearing, one that is fundamental to my current understanding of the subject. We were on summer vacation in Wisconsin, and she pointed out that the reason people curse is to release and communicate negative emotions. The words themselves usually have little to do with what we’re upset about, they’re just customary thanks to cultural taboos. Shocking words convey shocking emotions. To release the emotions though, any word will do. If you say, “Oh, pinecone” with enough conviction, it can act as a swear word for you just as well as any “real” one. I thought this was hilarious at the time and spent the rest of the day shouting “Pinecone!” to anyone within earshot, but in time I realized how right she was. Don’t get me wrong, I could never seriously swear using the word “pinecone,” but other inoffensive words almost always suffice. For example, I often exclaim, “Oh shoot!” after realizing that I’ve forgotten to do some piece of homework or dying in a video game. Many of my friends would use a short string of Anglo-Saxon vulgarisms there instead, but the emotional content is no different. The reaction is just a reflex, and by falling into the habit of using innocent curses, I avoid unnecessary offenses.

    That’s not to say this method is flawless. It’s very difficult to change cursing habits once they’re well established, which makes this hard to implement for older people. I still use the word “God!” in my cursing, which can definitely offend some people. I’ve tried for years to drop it from my vocabulary, but a surprising event still brings it back out. In addition, I believe some situations are calamitous enough to warrant “real” swearing. I’ve never been in such a position, but if, say, my house were to burn down, I think a harsh curse or two might be in order. Furthermore, swearing can be humorous. An occasional dirty joke is hilarious, and by cutting out major swear words one loses the opportunity to make those jests. Would Mr. Sutton be as funny if he didn’t using swearing (judiciously) to make his points in class? I think the shock factor of such cursing adds something, but the key is that it’s shocking. Swearing is a powerful tool, but only if used sparingly. Just as bacteria become resistant to the drugs that we use against them, we become jaded towards curse words if they are overused. Dweeby though it may sound, I think I’ll stick to my tame swearing until there’s better reason not to.